August 6th, 2007


Tales of the Tribe: Dog Flavors

I have many conversations with my dogs. Other people cannot hear them, but that doesn't mean they don't take place. Here is one such conversation.

ANDY: I'm very disappointed in you.

BELLE: Yes, I know. I'm very sorry.

ANDY: This is the third time this month you have rummaged the trash.

BELLE: It's true. I've been a bad dog. Bad Belle!

ANDY: I'm seeing a pattern here. If I leave eggshells in the trash, even for a short time, you'll go after them.

BELLE: Naughty, awful Belle. Abject misery.

ANDY: I hope I can count on you never to do this again.

BELLE: Hilarious! of course I'll do it again.

ANDY: I thought you said you were sorry.

BELLE: Oh, I am. I'm really broken up about this. I wish I could win back your love.

ANDY: Stop that. You're sorry, but you admit you'll shamelessly do it again in a heartbeat?

BELLE: Bingo! Must have the eggshells. Can't help myself. Sorry about that. Rude, obnoxious Belle!

ANDY: What is it about eggshells that draws you so?

BELLE: They are nature's perfect food.

ANDY: Come again?

BELLE: Okay. For humans, there are four basic tastes: sweet, sour, bitter and salty. Right?

ANDY: Well, there's also umami, which...

BELLE: Yap yap yap. Well, dogs have four basic tastes too, but they're not the same as for humans.

ANDY: Do tell.

BELLE: The four tastes are: meaty, bone-y, sugary, and crunchy.

ANDY: Crunchy's not a taste, it's a texture.

BELLE: I assure you, crunchy things are quite tasty.

ANDY: We're having a communication issue again. I think it's because English isn't your first language.

BELLE: Anyway, the eggy leavings in the eggshells are kind of meaty and kind of sweet, and the shells themselves are crunchy and kind of like bone. All four flavors are represented.

ANDY: I think the moral of the story is, if I cook anything involving eggs, I need to take the shells out to the trashcan right away.

BELLE: I think that's a terrible idea.

ANDY: I also think I need to hand down a little judgement by putting you outside.

BELLE: I deserve it. I've been simply awful.

ANDY: Stop your grovelling.

BELLE: Never happen.